nothing-but-a-shadow

My first boyfriend was someone we all know and love, Lee Dixon.  I'd love to talk about how romantic it was, you know, eyes meeting across a crowded room and all that but I'm afraid I can't.  Well, I suppose they did meet across a crowded room, only that crowded room was filled with little kids moaning that their dancing shoes hurt their feet and "so&so" hysterically crying because "so&so" had hit "so&so" and "so&so" had locked themselves in the toilet and wasn't coming out.  If you haven't guessed, we met at Stage School.  I was a nervous, shy, chubby 12 year old who seemed to lack the ability to communicate let alone sing or act.  He was a

Dear Diary, Today I met the most amazing guy.  My friend called me over and there he was standing beside her.  He called to me as well, which was sweet as he didn't even know who I was.  But anyway, there he was, standing beside me.  He didn't immediately strike me as handsome, not my usual type.  Not as tall as I usually go for and blue eyes not brown with dark, unstyled hair and a bit of a beard!  He's not bad looking though, if you know what I mean.  I don't fancy him or anything.  He is so sweet though, he's really funny, such a gentleman – he gave me his coat when I was cold, bless!  I wonder what he's doing now?  I don't think I like h

That's easy.  He was exactly my type, tall and tanned with big brown eyes and long dark hair.  So sexy!  And who was he?  Tommy from the Power Rangers of course!  Never has green Spandex looked so good!  I watched the show religiously every morning, monitoring the budding romance between him and Kimberley, the Pink Ranger, my (and my Dad's might I add) favourite (after Tommy of course).  I even remember going to see the first Power Ranger movie at the cinema, it was fantastic!  Well, for me, the hormonal 5-year old sitting at the front with her eyes glued to the, ahem, screen with her collection of Power Rangers dolls and a banner saying "Mar

No one understands me And they shouldn't bother trying.  How can they when I don't understand myself.  How can they even begin to understand why earlier today I was actually thinking of taking vodka and pills to end it all.  I don't know what got me into this state but it would be easier wouldn't it.  No more hassle.  No more worrying about my weight.  No more exams.  No more boys.  No more worrying about what job I'm going to do or who I'm going to marry (If I marry, which I hope I do).  No more stupid, plastic people who don;t think deeply like I do.  No more parents praising me for doing something then criticising me the next moment.  We'

Sometimes I don't want to take my make up off at night, Preferring to leave on the facade while I sleep, How much easier life seems, when coated with gloss and glitter, How quickly problems dissappear, with a little bit of rouge, All blemishes ironed out, like I wish my life could be. Dreams can be warm, with a cold feeling on waking, Or dreams can be cold, with an even colder feeling on waking, Dreams can even be black, and leave us terrified of waking. Sometimes I don't want to take my make up off at night Because my dreams scare me more than my life ever can

There's a hole in my heart, where you used to be Patiently you sat there, enjoying the attention I ravished upon you Knowing all the time that we could never be together You made a home in my heart, decorated it with flowers Built a strong wooden fence, and made it your own I know what I've said, and I know what I've done I nursed feelings for you, which you kept safe in my heart The one day you decided you'd had enough of your cosy home And you ripped yourself out Leaving a hole in my heart, where you used to be And all I have left is the fence you built Leaving me unable to love, unable to feel And making my heart impenetrable